How should spouses behave while discussing the problems that will inevitably arise over the course of their marriages? Numerous theoretical perspectives posit that maintaining satisfaction with an intimate relationship requires exchanging positive behaviors, such as forgiving, and avoiding negative ones, such as blaming, commanding, and rejecting. Accordingly, most educational programs train couples to exchange positive behaviors and avoid more negative ones. Nevertheless, studies of the efficacy of such programs indicate that although spouses do learn new skills they do not remain more satisfied over the long-term. One reason for this lack of success may be that programs are teaching the wrong skills. Indeed, although some studies indicate that spouses benefit from avoiding negative behaviors, other studies indicate that spouses benefit from engaging in negative behaviors. Whether spouses benefit from avoiding or engaging in negative behaviors while discussing their problems may depend on an overlooked factor - the nature of the problem being discussed. Prior research indicates that engaging in negative behaviors can motivate partners to change. Although such behaviors may be unnecessary during discussions of minor problems or problems out of the partner's control, they may be necessary to motivate partners to address serious problems that are under the partner's control. Accordingly, it may be most adaptive for spouses to be flexible in how they behave - avoiding or engaging in negative behaviors depending on whether they are discussing a problem that is controllable and severe.
The proposed study will examine the tendency for spouses to flexibly calibrate their negative behaviors to both the severity and controllability of the specific problem they are discussing. At baseline and one year later, 200 newlywed couples will complete four problem-solving interactions (two that target a relatively minor problem and two that target a relatively severe problem) that will be rated by independent judges for negative behavior, severity, and controllability. Also at baseline, and every three months for two years, participants will report their marital satisfaction, the severity of their marital problems, and their motivation to resolve those problems. Analyses will test the hypothesis that spouses who engage in fewer negative behaviors while discussing minor and relatively uncontrollable problems but more negative behaviors while discussing severe and controllable problems remain more satisfied over time, and that such associations occur because properly calibrated negative behavior motivates the partner to change and thus help resolve problems. Not only will this research promote the training of the numerous graduate and undergraduate students necessary to carry out the research, support for the predictions would suggest that existing education programs should not continue teaching spouses to avoid negative behaviors altogether but should instead teach them to properly calibrate such behaviors to severe and controllable problems.
